Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
