distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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