i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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