What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
