We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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