return my video game
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
