Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
