Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
