I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
