Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
