Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
