Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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