Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
