I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
