so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
