As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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