Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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