i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
