Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my shit smells like andre
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
