I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
