the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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