if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
