I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
