Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
