i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need to align my fucking chakras
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
