Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
