You work out of a Hotel?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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