I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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