Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
