I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
