She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
