I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
