a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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