There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
