and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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