He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
