I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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