I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
