You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
