scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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