new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What drink are we having for lunch?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
