Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
two words: eviction party
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
