physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
