i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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