sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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