did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
