Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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