This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
