There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
