I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
