So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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