Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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