Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
