Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
