you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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