I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
