Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
