Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
