Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
