It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.