You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there