I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...