I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.