is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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