You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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