so that wasnt chicken after all
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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