the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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