Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
cat food counts as protein by the way
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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