chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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