Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
