??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
