My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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