dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
