Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
