hotel room ftw
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
