I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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