He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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