so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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