How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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