I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i out mim tonsoeep
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