Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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