Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize