You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
