Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
