Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
