it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
