There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
