Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
