Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
