the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
