turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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