Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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